


Mustard Gas and Roses

by cheesepotations



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Minor Character Death, Past Rape/Non-con, and others - Freeform, bad transitions between scenes, i apologize to my english teacher i have failed u, improper use of semicolons, my bad jokes, not explicit and not by any of the characters, the opposite of slow burn, too man commas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-29
Updated: 2018-03-29
Packaged: 2019-04-14 15:24:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14138904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cheesepotations/pseuds/cheesepotations
Summary: It didn’t take a genius to tell that Jesse was practically in love with Genji’s older brother.Jesse dreamed of asking Hanzo out, taking him to dinner, wooing him, marrying him, adopting a few kids with him, growing old together, sharing a plot in the cemetery. On the down side, however, he barely ever spoke to Hanzo.--When Jesse finally gets a chance to ask Hanzo out, it's under the worst circumstances. Should he really do it?





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> hello it is me. this is the longest thing i’ve ever written and wow has it been hard.

It didn’t take a genius to tell that Jesse was practically in love with Genji’s older brother.

 

Ever since he met Genji in 6th grade, he’d been enamored with Hanzo. He was a cool 7th grader who was always the smartest kid in every class and still had time to start a volleyball team and run it. He did archery since he was a kid and would go running past Jesse’s house on the weekends. Even now in their last years of high school Jesse was still excited to catch a glimpse of Hanzo when he went to Genji’s house.

 

Jesse dreamed of asking Hanzo out, taking him to dinner, wooing him, marrying him, adopting a few kids with him, growing old together, sharing a plot in the cemetery. On the down side, however, he barely ever spoke to Hanzo. 

 

He had interacted with Hanzo personally a total of 7 times before the accident.

 

Number one, 6th grade, Genji’s house. Hanzo introduced himself when he walked into the living room to see his brother and some other kid in his house.

 

Number two, 8th grade, principal's office. Jesse and Genji got into some trouble over a prank and Hanzo had come in to get Genji back to their car and sat next to Jesse in the waiting room. They had a full two minute conversation and it was the first time Jesse made Hanzo laugh.

 

Number three, 10th grade, school gym. The dark days of freshman year where he never spoke to Hanzo were over, and he was picking up a sweater from the locker room when he saw Hanzo changing after a volleyball meet. Seeing Hanzo shirtless and sweaty, watching the muscles in his arms move as he pulled off his shirt haunted Jesse’s dreams for  _ months _ . He still thanks the Lord to this day that Hanzo didn’t say hello to him until he had his shirt back on because Jesse would not have been able to speak while he was able to see Hanzo’s chest.

 

Number four and five, 11th grade, hallway. Junior year was blessed with the opportunity of being three lockers down from Hanzo. Sadly, Hanzo drove in early so they never really spoke but on two special days he was late and had a nice morning conversation with Jesse. Once Jesse lost the opportunity to make a third locker conversation by Hanzo’s boyfriend, Akande Ogundimu, Jesse’s mortal enemy who didn’t know he existed. 

 

Number six, 11th grade, math class. Technically this counted as multiple encounters, but none were personal and always professional when Hanzo would help him with problems, so Jesse clumped them into one complete interaction.

 

Number seven, 11th grade, boys bathroom. As much as Jesse cherished every time he spoke with Hanzo, he wished this one never happened.

 

\--

  
  


Junior year started off like any normal school year. Gabe yelling at him to get ready faster, him shoving breakfast into his mouth while texting Genji and Fareeha, but this year his younger sister Sombra was going into high school.

 

Jesse wouldn't admit it, but he was jealous that she already had a group of friends. Sombra had done some hacking since she was 11 and this one girl found her and asked her to hack the twitter of an ex. Amelie was her name. Sombra continued to talk to her and eventually she was introduced to Amelie’s friends. 

 

He never really cared too much about Sombra’s social life until then. 

 

Sombra’s group of friends included one boy, Akande Ogundimu, his self-proclaimed rival. Quarterback and captain of the football team, straight-A student, honor roll, and a member of an extremely rich family. Not to mention he was tall, dark, and handsome. He probably had a six pack or something. 

 

Hanzo used to date some other football player that Jesse didn't really know. They had dated since the end of their sophomore into the end of their junior year, where in one day, Hanzo broke up with him and started hanging out with Akande. No one knew the details of what happened but the guy was kicked off the football team by Akande.

 

Now Jesse had to bug his little sister for any information on Akande.

 

“He’s a nice guy, and Hanzo’s seemed pretty happy whenever I saw him. He seems fine with him. I don’t really know what you want from me.”

 

Jesse groaned. He really liked Hanzo and wanted him to be happy, but he wanted Hanzo to be happy with  _ him _ , not someone else. It was selfish and childish and he’d really hoped that Akande was secretly a terrible person but he was pretty much perfect. 

 

Hence why Jesse walked the few blocks to school sulking.

  
  


Genji practically skipped up to him after he jumped out of Hanzo’s car.

 

“Hey Jesse! Something wrong?” Genji was beaming at Jesse’s side glances to Hanzo after he stepped out of the driver’s seat, laughing at his misery. He always took great joy in watching Jesse pine after his brother

 

“Fuck off Genji, I don’t need your shit right now.”

 

Genji laughed and nudged him in the shoulder as Jesse stared at Hanzo’s ass as he walked away.

 

“Stop being gross.” Genji said, fake gagging.

 

“Never. And you know it.” Jesse nudged him back, smiling now.

 

He was starting to feel better as he walked into the school building until he caught sight of Hanzo again. He couldn’t see his face but he could see him leaning against Akande with Akande’s arm around his waist. After a few seconds Akande’s booming laughter echoed around the walls and he squeezed Hanzo’s side. Jealousy burned in Jesse that he knew he shouldn’t have.

 

He was knocked out of his thoughts but Fareeha grabbing his shoulders, making him jump almost a full foot.

 

“Hey Romeo, how you been?” She laughed at his startled expression before it morphed into annoyance.

 

“Stop bothering him, Fareeha.” Genji chimed in. “He looked ready to punch me.”

 

Fareeha laughed and squeezed Jesse’s shoulders. “He wouldn’t dare hit  _ me _ .”

 

Jesse laughed, slightly nervous. He really wouldn’t dare.

 

Fareeha and Genji laughed and started talking about a new episode of something, but Jesse’s attention was on Hanzo. Akande was running his fingers through Hanzo’s dark, probably silky smooth hair, just as Jesse always dreamed of doing, before leaning down and kissing Hanzo softly. Jesse loved to see Hanzo smile, but it always hurt that he was always smiling for someone else.

 

\--

  
  


His day was going as well as a school day can go until he got to his final period, Math. He was probably in the lowest level geometry class the school offered. Half of the students in his class were freshmen. He expected to have another humiliating year of younger students being smarter than him. He could run circles around anyone when it came to history, or sometimes science, but he was  _ terrible _ at math.

 

He was dozing off as the teacher announced that they were having a TA until Hanzo walked in. Jesse almost fell off his chair in shock, causing a few students to look in his direction, including Hanzo. 

 

By the grace of God, Hanzo only glanced at him for a second before walking all the way to the side of the room.

 

The teacher droned on about the syllabus, but Jesse didn’t listen. Hanzo was leaning against the wall, his head resting on the corner of the window. The sunlight made his hair sparkle, and when he turned to look at some of the students, it swirled in his eyes. 

 

A pile of papers landing on his desk snapped him out of his thoughts. An annoyed looking freshman in front of him was passing back some papers and had been trying to get Jesse’s attention so he would take them. Jesse gave him an apologetic smile and took the papers. 

 

He didn’t have any more embarrassing moments until the end of the class, where he almost walked into the doorframe just watching Hanzo collect some papers.

  
  


Math quickly became Jesse’s favorite subject, even above English, which he had with Genji. Getting to look at Hanzo up close and person every day was a gift from God, albeit coming off a bit creepy.

 

It certainly didn’t hurt that the freshman in front of him always needed help. 

 

Hanzo had helped Jesse a few times, a true test of his self control not to blurt out something stupid. He would lean above Jesse, bending down to see the papers better. His hair would sometimes brush against Jesse’s shoulder and Jesse  _ swore _ he almost came that one time. He could smell Hanzo’s shampoo when he did that.

 

So when Hanzo had to help the guy in front of him, Jesse had a  _ great _ view of Hanzo from behind, leaning over to help him. Not only did Hanzo have an  _ amazing _ ass, but when he wore a tight enough shirt, Jesse could see his back muscles rippling whenever he adjusted his arms or stood up. 

 

He was stuck between excelling at the class to impress Hanzo, and failing because Hanzo was so fucking gorgeous and he was _so_ _fucking in love_.

 

\--

 

“I’m in a dilemma, guys” Jesse said. He was leaning on the lunch table, surrounded by his friends. Genji, Fareeha, Angela, Lucio, and Hana were sitting around him. None of them looked amused.

 

“Not so much a dilemma as just stupid.” Hana said, barely looking up from her phone. She would sometimes post on her Instagram stupid things Jesse had done to get Hanzo’s attention, and he hoped that Hanzo would never find it.

 

“Please, just, I need some advice?” Jesse sighed. “If I work hard enough, I can probably grasp the weird concepts that we learn in math, and maybe Hanzo would be impressed? I mean, he likes that kind of stuff, right?” He turned to Genji, pleading.

 

“He’s not, like,  _ obsessed _ with math, but he does it in his free time, and he’d probably notice if you seemed like you were interested.” Genji shrugged.

 

Jesse groaned, resting his head on the table. “‘Probably notice’ is not that helpful, Genji.”

 

“And what’s your other option? Failing?” Fareeha said, seeming unimpressed. “Sure, you could get him as a tutor or something, but then what? You gonna made a move on him studying calculus? Is there anything  _ less _ romantic?”

 

Jesse looked up at her, shrugging. “It’s a start. I don’t mind failing another class, at least for a little while. I could pay him if it’s that much trouble.”

 

Genji and Fareeha both laughed at him, while Angela gave him the strangest look before speaking, “Paying your crush to be with you is a bad start to a relationship.”

 

“It’s a funny story we could tell our kids?” Jesse asked, slightly hopeful. 

 

The entire table groaned.

 

\--

 

Four weeks into the semester and no more progress had been made on getting closer to Hanzo. Jesse had gone over to Genji’s house almost every single day, but Hanzo always had something he needed to do after school and he barely saw him. Random chores, archery practice, extra classes and homework, volleyball meets, and anything else that would take Hanzo away from Jesse. Genji had a great time taunting him.

 

But Jesse finally got his chance.

 

Unfortunately, his chance came when he failed a math test. The teacher called him back after class along with a few other students. 

 

“There is an after school program that Hanzo runs, helping tutor some students. I believe that it may be beneficial for you all. It’s on Tuesdays and Thursdays until 4:30 PM.”

 

Given that it was a Tuesday, Jesse was excited.

  
  


Hanzo met the students outside on the courtyard. They were seated on the small mound of grass out back behind the school. It was a nice day, considering it was late September. People were walking around them getting to the parking lot to leave. The kids around Jesse looked longingly at the students leaving. They were probably being forced to be here by their parents. There were about five of them, so Jesse didn’t get that much quality Hanzo time until he had gotten through three other students.

 

“Alright, what do you find most difficult?” Hanzo asked him, calm and professional.

 

“The, uh… maybe inverses? Or… functions… in general?” Jesse tried to add in a chuckle. Maybe he didn’t sound too bad.

 

Hanzo smiled. “Functions is the unit. Inverses are the hardest?” 

 

It took a few seconds before Jesse nodded, too mesmerized by his smile. Hanzo nodded, looking through some papers he had. “I have a few practice problems for finding inverses and graphing. Do you understand the process?”

 

To be honest, Jesse did understand the process. It’s just that he always fucked up the process. “Yeah, I think I got it.” 

 

“Good,” Hanzo passed him one paper. “Here’s some problems, call me over if you need any additional help.” And with that, Hanzo got up and moved on to the next student.

 

_ Damn _ . He could tell Genji that he had  _ sort of _ a conversation. At least watching Hanzo get up was nice.

 

Working on math problems wasn’t too bad. Graphing and swapping the x and y, it was pretty simple. They even seemed like simpler problems than they worked on in class. 

 

Jesse had two options: He could rush through the problems and leave, go meet up with Genji and wait for Hanzo to come home and attempt to speak to him then. That probably wouldn’t work, but it was an option. The other choice was to call Hanzo over for help and risk looking like an idiot who couldn’t do simple problems just to try and talk to him.

 

Hanzo looked like he finished speaking with the last student, so Jesse chose the latter.

 

“Hey, Hanzo, I, uh….” He trailed off when Hanzo stood up and looked at him expectedly. He hadn’t thought that far ahead.

 

Hanzo raised an eyebrow, waiting for him to speak. It took a few seconds before Jesse could actually say anything.

 

“H-Help…?” He didn’t really need help, but he couldn’t really ask him out right at that moment. He pointed to a random spot on the page, hoping it was a problem.

 

“On what?” Hanzo pointed to his finger on the page. “Which problem are you pointing to?”

 

His finger was apparently on the middle of the page, pointing at nothing.  _ God, _ he was an idiot. 

 

“This…” he looked back at the page, pointing to another problem that looked relatively hard. “This one…?”

 

Hanzo chuckled. “Are you sure?”

 

_ That teasing tone was going to kill him. _

 

“Yeah.” Jesse tried to smile casually, but Hanzo seemed to find his face amusing.

 

“Alright,” Hanzo said, sitting down next to him and leaning in. “What do you find confusing?”

 

Jesse tried to think of something that had to do with this problem. He couldn’t even count to ten while Hanzo’s thigh was pressing against his own and he was so close if Jesse turned his head he could almost kiss Hanzo. “Y-Yes.”

 

Hanzo laughed and it sounded like pure happiness. Either it was because what Jesse said was funny or his sheer stupidity was funny. Both were fine if he could hear Hanzo laugh.

 

He just grinned back, not bothering to say anything else and just relished in the moment of happiness. 

 

It was ruined a few seconds later when he heard a loud voice shout  _ “Hanzo!” _ from a little ways away. Both him and Hanzo turned to the voice, as well as a few other students, to see Akande and a few other football players putting some equipment into someone’s car. Hanzo smiled at Akande, just a little smile, as Akande began to walk over.

 

Jesse scooted himself a few inches away from Hanzo, partly because it was a little awkward being so close to someone knowing that their partner was nearby and partly because he was pretty sure Akande could throw him across the parking lot if he wanted to. 

 

Akande ended up sitting behind Hanzo, spreading his legs and wrapping his arms around Hanzo’s waist before pulling him to his chest. Hanzo chuckled, playfully swatting his arm, but otherwise allowing himself to be pulled up to him. Akande rested his head on top of Hanzo’s, squeezing his middle when Hanzo tried to pull away. 

 

“Don’t mind me, I’ll just hang out for a bit. We’re loading some equipment into the car before heading to practice, so I have a few minutes.”

 

Hanzo nodded as best he could with Akande’s head on top of his own before turning back to Jesse. It was a little harder to converse with Akande wrapped around him but he looked at Jesse’s paper anyway. 

 

“What do you need help with?”

 

Jesse shrugged, “Uh, I think just kinda the general algebra? I think I added some numbers wrong or something.” He handed his paper over to Hanzo to check it, not wanting to take up too much of his time while Akande was around. 

 

Hanzo took his paper, scanning each line of algebra while Jesse observed him and Akande. It felt almost invasive to be watching somethin that seemed to be a pretty intimate act of physical affection, but neither of them seemed to mind. Hanzo had curled himself pretty much into a ball against Akande’s chest and Akande had moved his head to now rest on Hanzo’s shoulder, scanning the paper with him. His arms were no longer wrapped around Hanzo, but his hands still rested gently on his waist, a subtle presence. 

 

He was snapped out of his observations by Hanzo handing him his paperback.

 

“You just made a simple mistake. You said two times three was five, which threw off the rest of the calculations.”

 

Jesse nodded, taking the paper and proceeding to correct his mistake. No big deal, but it happened at the beginning of the problem so now he had to rewrite everything again. 

 

With no other student asking for his attention, Hanzo visibly relaxed into Akande’s embrace. He turned his head slightly, just enough so that he could talk to Akande. The two began to talk in quiet voices with each other. Jesse couldn’t pick out any words, but the low rumble of their voices carried in the air. 

 

They stayed like that for a few minutes while Jesse and the other students worked on their problems. Jesse had finished his problems but was reluctant to leave. He was kinda hoping he could get some alone time with Hanzo after Akande left, but it seemed like he would be staying for a bit.

 

Eventually Akande stood up, taking Hanzo with him. The two said a few more words before Akande pressed a quick kiss to Hanzo’s lips and said goodbye, walking back to the car and his friends, who had finished packing up the last of the equipment. They seemed mildly annoyed at his lack of help and teased him a little when he came to the car, probably about Hanzo or something.

 

Hanzo stood for a few seconds, watching Akande go, before looking back at the group. The rest of the students were finishing up their problems and a few had already gotten up and left. The last few, including Jesse. were packing up their things. Hanzo nodded seemingly to himself before grabbing his own bag. 

 

“Alright, we can meet here again on Thursday. If you have any other questions, you can ask me in class tomorrow.”

 

The students nodded and grunted in agreement before Hanzo turned and left. 

 

Jesse was the last one sitting on the grass, packing up his things slower than the rest of the group. He watched Hanzo go, debating whether or not to say something. As Jesse finally stood up, Hanzo stopped walking to check something on his phone.

 

_ Now or never. _

 

Jesse wanted to walk over, casually say something to Hanzo so they could walk to the parking lot together and maybe he could hang out with Genji so he could still see Hanzo. He had a few things he could say to him, but his feet wouldn’t move.

 

A few seconds passed and the moment was gone. Hanzo put his phone back into his pocket and kept walking, eventually getting into his car where Genji had been waiting. Jesse still hadn’t moved.

 

\--

 

The tutor meetings went well and Jesse didn’t embarrass himself too much in front of Hanzo, which was a plus. Genji still teased him to death, but he was used to that. His grades improved, which was also good. And he actually started doing his homework, but that was for other reasons.

 

Every day they would hand in their homework and do some problems while the teacher checked their work. After a few minutes of making sure everyone did it, Hanzo would pass the homework back and class would start. 

 

Jesse rarely did his homework for math, or any of his classes really. He had basketball practice and met with Genji and Fareeha and generally didn’t want to do it. But ever since Hanzo became his TA, he started doing it. Half-assed, but still, it would be done. He wanted every chance he could to talk to Hanzo, and seeing him walk past his desk hurt just a little, even if he had to.

 

Sometimes, he would reach up to grab his paper as Hanzo would hand it back, and occasionally their hands would brush. Hanzo looked at him the first time, probably surprised or something, but ever since he didn’t move when Jesse “accidentally” touched him. Jesse, on the other hand, loved every second they touched. Millisecond, but still.

 

He would sometimes report back his touches at lunch, and everyone laughed, but he felt proud. 

 

“At this rate,” Genji had said once, laughing, “if my brother hugged you, you’d probably explode.”

 

He was right.

 

\--

 

“It’s a  _ Saturday _ , why did I have to get up at  _ seven _ , this is my day to  _ sleep _ .” 

 

Sombra was currently whining in the backseat of Gabe’s car. She was pissed, mainly because she was dragged along to Jesse’s early morning basketball game and also because Jesse already called shotgun. 

 

“We are here to support Jesse. I’m legally required to do that.” Gabe deadpanned, not taking his eyes off the road. They were pulling into the high school parking lot and there was a mini traffic jam already. Someone brought their little sibling who was currently tying their shoe in the middle of the road, which was pissing off Gabe and every other parent forced to come. 

 

“But why did we have to come  _ early _ ? The game starts at eight thirty, so we technically don’t need to be here. It’s just early practice.”

 

Gabe opened his mouth to respond but Sombra cut him off.

 

“And  _ don’t _ say it’s because he needs a ride because he has  _ plenty _ of friends on the team. So either we get to sleep another hour, or Jesse had to admit that he has no friends. Win-win.”

 

“Shut it, Olivia.” Jesse grumbled, not looking up from his phone. Sombra pouted at the use of her real name, but kept quiet. 

 

Jesse was currently texting Genji about the game. He was confident they were going to win, they were playing a home game against some school that never did well, so he didn’t have to worry. He still liked to hear from his friend, though.

 

Genji, who normally would be asleep until mid afternoon, was also awake early because there was a volleyball game at noon, so Hanzo getting up and running around to get ready woke him up.

 

_ we have a big ass house _ , Genji texted him,  _ how the fuck is he so loud??????? _

 

_ he’s nervous. ignore him,  _ Jesse responded _.  _

 

_ easy for u to say, he isn’t waking u up at 4 in the morning getting ready. _

 

_ ur exaggerating. he didn’t get up THAT early. _

 

Genji responded with a snapchat video. It was a short video of him in bed, staring at the camera with the angriest stare he could manage, having just woken up. His hair was sticking out in random directions, and the sheets were messed up around him and Jesse wasn’t even sure he was lying on his pillow.  _ 4:17 _ was written on the bottom part of the screen, and in the background Jesse could hear soft muttering and bumping like someone was up and getting ready.

 

_ damn he’s dedicated _

 

_ HE’S ANNOYING THAT’S WHAT HE IS _

 

“Jesse, off your phone, we’re here.” 

 

Jesse grunted in reply to Gabe, but he only reached over and plucked the phone out of Jesse’s hands. “Out of the car, mijo.”

 

Jesse glared at him as Gabe didn’t return his phone but pocketed it while getting out. 

  
  


The practice was uneventful and so was the game. They won by a landslide and the other team had already left in defeat. Gabe and Sombra had left when Jesse promised that he could get a ride home and that he wanted to stay a little longer. Most of the team had left but there was still a few stragglers who had to wait for pickups or were staying for the volleyball game. 

 

“You think they’ll win?” One kid asked. Their volleyball team was ruthless and had already won the school statewide championships four years in a row. Jesse liked to think it was because of Hanzo, but it probably wasn’t. 

 

“Don’t they always?” Another kid responded. 

 

The first kid shrugged, “I guess so.”

 

Jesse stood up from the bench where he was sitting, stretching his muscles. “Have they lost a game this year?”

 

Both other boys paused for a second, then nodded in agreement. “True.”

 

They all paused for a second before changing the subject, and they all talked a bit, killing time before the other game.

  
  


A few minutes before the game started, Jesse finally met up with Genji in the stands. He had changed out of his uniform and hopefully didn’t smell all sweaty anymore. Genji shoved him away. Apparently he still smelled.

 

“You reek” Genji said, glaring at him.

 

Jesse shrugged, grinning. He inched closer and threw his arm over Genji’s shoulders, who then pretended to gag.

 

“Chill the drama, the game starts soon.” 

 

“Put your arm down or I’ll pass out.”

 

Jesse glared at Genji, but obliged. He still sat close to him, however, which annoyed Genji to no end. 

 

He groaned, shoving him away, “ _ God _ , you’re so clingy.”

 

Jesse grinned. “But you  _ looooove _ me.”

 

Genji shot him a look before smirking at him. “I don’t think Hanzo really likes clingy guys.”

 

That immediately shut Jesse up. He scooted away from Genji, glaring at him. But before he could make a rude comment, the volleyball team was filing in.

 

He could make out a few students he knew, but what mattered most was Hanzo. His hair was in a high ponytail, and with his hair out of the way, Jesse got a perfect view of his neck and collar. Small victories.

 

Genji whooped beside him, most likely to annoy Hanzo more than motivate him. Hanzo shot him a look that said ‘I want to flip you off but I’m not allowed to’.

 

Soon enough, the game started. The opposing team had no chance.

 

Sure, it was a high school game, but the team coordination was amazing. With quick looks each member was able to plan out each move they would make when the ball was on their side. Their receiver was quick, almost never missing a spike, and somehow always hit it towards the setter. No matter how the ball reached the setter, it was hit to line up perfectly for the spiker--Hanzo. He planned out every shot for the corners of the court where the opposing players weren’t. And when he hit the ball, Jesse got a great view of his biceps. They were heavenly.

 

Only when the game was finished did Hanzo finally looked back to the stands. Genji was waving obnoxiously, which had Hanzo rolling his eyes with a fond smile. It melted Jesse’s heart. Then he slowly moved to the left and met Jesse’s eyes. 

 

The world seemed to stop for a moment.

 

Jesse doubted that Hanzo felt anything other than curiosity at how the boy he was tutoring knew his brother but Jesse was on top of the world. 

 

The coach blew the whistle and the team members filed toward the lockers. Just as Hanzo was about the reach the doors, however, a loud shout stopped him. He was lifted in the air by two strong arms attached to a very happy Akande who was currently planting kisses all over his boyfriend’s face, probably congratulating him on the victory. It was adorable.

 

Genji followed Jesse’s gaze and when he reached the happy couple, he shot Jesse a sympathetic look. 

 

“Come on, let’s eat ice cream and get high or something, okay?”

 

Jesse watched the as Akande carried Hanzo, who was currently pushing at his shoulders in an attempt to get down and laughing, through the door. 

 

“Yeah, that sounds good.”


	2. Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it begins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello it is me again. thanks for sticking with my weird story. get ready for absolutely no filler.

Three months into Jesse’s junior year their school was hit with disaster. Two football players got into an accident, T-boned by a drunk driver driving home from practice. Neither survived. 

 

One of them was a guy Jesse hadn’t met, and the other was Akande Ogundimu. 

 

Jesse spoke with Akande a few times. Jesse played basketball and sometimes the football team practiced at the same time so they met in the locker room. Genji would talk for hours about how annoying Hanzo and Akande were when Akande came over. Hanzo would be all over him, and Jesse didn’t blame him. Akande shirtless looked like a male model and his voice could melt butter. 

 

He hated the guy, but he didn’t want him to  _ die _ . 

 

So sitting in the memorial assembly a week after his death next to Genji while the principle droned on and on about how every life mattered and how drinking and driving is horrible and kills people felt wrong.

 

Genji didn’t have any emotion on his face, but he was the master of pretending he was fine. Coming to school high once a week teaches you a few things. Akande and Genji didn’t talk much but they were sorta friends. As close to friends as you can get to your brother’s boyfriend, that is.

 

“It’s kinda hard to think that he’s dead, you know?” Genji turned to him, questioning. Jesse just shrugged.

 

“Death is hard, I guess. There isn’t really much to say about that.”

 

Genji gave a little ‘hmph’ in response but didn’t say anything.

 

“How’s Hanzo handling things?”

 

Genji didn’t respond for a few seconds before sighing. “He missed a week of school. I thought you would’ve noticed.”

 

“That bad?” It took a few seconds before the insult registered. “And I don’t stalk your brother, dude.”

 

Hanzo rarely missed school. In fact, he only missed two days after the death of his own grandfather. 

 

“Where is he now?” Jesse asked.

 

“He’s in school today, I know that. He drove me. I haven’t seen him since though. He may have gone home, which would suck since he’s my ride. Can I come home with you if he bailed?” Genji gave him his best puppy eyes, his mood shifted back to his playful self.

 

“Yeah sure, but aren’t you a bit worried about your brother?”

 

Genji shifted a bit in his seat, his discomfort obvious. “I don’t know man, Hanzo’s an enigma. He hasn’t spoken to me since it happened. I knew Akande meant a lot to him and I don’t want to interrupt his mourning. He didn't say much after our father died, and whenever I tried to speak to him he yelled at me. I guess you just have to give him time.”

 

Jesse nodded, but felt like there was a hand around his heart, squeezing. 

 

“I can't sit through this.” Genji murmured next to him, moving to stand up.

 

“Same. I'll come with you.”

 

The two of them stood up, walking to the back of the auditorium towards the doors. A few teachers glanced their way. One of them opened his mouth as if to tell them to sit back down, but another put her hand on his shoulder to stop him, whispering in his ear.  _ ‘Brother of the boyfriend _ ,’ Jesse heard her say.

 

Once out of the auditorium, Genji immediately sat down against the wall, pulling Jesse with him. They didn’t speak, just enjoyed the silence and each other’s company. There wasn’t really much to say besides talking about Akande, which neither wanted to do. Jesse expected them to just sit there until the next class began and could pretend nothing happened, just for a little while.

 

“I gotta pee.” Jesse said, standing up. He dropped his backpack onto Genji, which earned him an annoyed grunt. “I’ll be back.”

 

There was a bathroom close enough to the auditorium. It was almost always empty since no one really hung out on this floor unless there was an assembly or wanted to smoke weed. 

 

The sound of the door opening echoed throughout the room when Jesse entered. He started unzipping his pants, not even bothering to wait until he got to a urinal before he stopped dead in his tracks and nearly had a heart attack when he saw someone at the sink. 

 

Jesse immediately knew it was Hanzo. He was leaning against the counter, staring into the mirror. He wasn’t really doing anything, but he looked like he had been crying. Jesse knew Hanzo could see him in the mirror, but he couldn’t move. He had never seen Hanzo like this. Hanzo was always cool and composed and never showed any sign of weakness. 

 

And so he stood still, hands still on the zipper of his fly, making eye contact with his crush. 

 

“Sorry, I’ll get out of your way.” Hanzo said, backing away from the mirror and making his way to the door. It took a whole second for Jesse to process this.

 

“W-Wait!” he called, zipping up his pants and hurrying over to Hanzo. “Are you okay?”

 

Hanzo didn’t look at him, keeping his eyes only on his own hands on the handle of the bathroom door. Jesse half expected him to just walk out and not say anything.

 

“You’re Genji’s friend, right?” Hanzo finally said, letting go of the handle and sticking his hands in his pockets. “Jesse?” Hanzo looked up at him.

 

“Y-Yeah, that’s me. Jesse.” He smiled awkwardly. 

 

“Oh. I’ve tutored you.” Hanzo said, looking down at his feet. He sniffled, rubbing at his face. He looked like he was going to cry again.

 

“You sure you’re alright?”

 

Hanzo shrugged, still not looking up.

 

“Do you want a hug?” He chuckled lamely. 

 

Hanzo snorted. “Not right now.” He finally looked up, giving a tiny smile to him. 

 

“I can drive Genji home if you want to leave school. If you want to talk more then, I’ll be up for it. Maybe it’s nice to talk to someone new? I don’t know…”

 

He felt weird trying to use Hanzo’s grief as an excuse to get closer to him, but he genuinely thought he could help. He could try.

 

“That would be nice, actually.” Hanzo smiled at him and Jesse’s heart did a backflip. “I-It would be nice to talk to someone.”

 

“I’m gonna be at your place with Genji for some video games later today. Do you wanna… maybe… sit in? Play a little”

 

Hanzo laughed, staring at the floor with a distant but fond look in his eyes. “Yeah, your weekly super smash bros dates. I’ll probably come join you or something, maybe.”

 

“S-Sounds good.” Jesse gave an awkward smile. 

 

Hanzo looked back up with a tiny smile. “Yeah, I’ll see you then. I’m gonna… head home for a bit. See you then.”

 

Jesse gave a thumbs up, unsure of what else to do. He probably looked like an idiot. “Okay.”

 

Hanzo lifted his hand in a small wave before heading out the bathroom door. 

 

As great as it was knowing he would be hanging out with Hanzo, he still felt like slamming his head into the sink in hopes of giving himself a concussion. 

 

_ Who the fuck gives someone a thumbs up when they’re grieving? An idiot, that’s who. _

 

**\--**

 

Super smash bros turned out pretty normal for the first half an hour Jesse was at the Shimada place. Genji had picked Kirby--the little shit--and then promptly key-smashed his way to victory. Each round Jesse picked a new hero in an attempt to beat Genji’s stupid strategy, but to no avail. 

 

He was hyper aware that Hanzo might step in at any moment and he wanted to look like he wasn’t getting his ass handed to him by a guy who ate glue both in kindergarten and last month.

 

Jesse’s latest hero was Link, but he still wasn’t doing very well. He was at 130% and with one life while Genji was sitting with a nice 12% and only lost one life. He was giving his all at this game, not wanting to love five to zero, and Genji was cackling at his intensity before a voice distracted him.

 

“You chose Link?” Came Hanzo’s voice from behind the couch they were on.

 

Jesse spun around with far too much enthusiasm. “Yeah, but I don’t usually play him.”

 

Hanzo gave a curt nod. “Oh,” was all he said before leaning against the edge of the couch, right next to where Jesse’s head was resting. 

 

To avoid seeming creepy, Jesse only got a couple of seconds to look at Hanzo, but he had a feeling about the other was doing. He had a strained smile on his face when he looked at Jesse but his face was back to resting now. His eyes were tired and puffy, probably from crying. From what he knew, Hanzo had been home alone until Genji and him arrived, so he wouldn’t have to hide his emotions from their father. Genji told him at length about how his father never tolerated weakness.

 

Jesse turned back to the game, but the feeling of Hanzo’s hair brushing against his ear was enough distraction for Genji to kick him off the map, winning the game.

 

Genji cheered while Jesse groaned. 

 

“FIVE TO ZERO BITCH, _FIVE_ _TO ZERO_!”

 

That seemed to get a reaction out of Hanzo, which made up for Jesse’s crushing defeat. It was only a soft hum, but that was enough for him.

 

“Kirby is an OP character and you know it. And you are ungodly good at key smashing.” Those were excuses and they both knew it but Jesse wanted to save some of his pride in front of Hanzo.

 

“He’s spend hours playing this game, you know, I don’t think you had a chance.”

 

He was slightly surprised when Hanzo chimed in, but enjoyed it nonetheless. 

 

“I just wanna be the very best, you know, like no one ever was?” Genji glanced up at Hanzo, smirking. He looked like a cocky asshole but there was a tiny bit of hope in his eyes.

 

Hanzo didn’t respond, just nodded slightly before sliding around the couch to sit at the end. Genji’s face fell a bit, but he covered it up quickly.

 

“Hanzo, wanna play this round? Genji’s kicking my ass and I need someone to show him his place.” Jesse said, letting the controller fall into his lap. 

 

Hanzo so far had been unresponsive and quiet, but his eyes lit up slightly at the idea of a competition. “Okay.”

 

He slid closer to Jesse, grabbing the controller and letting Genji set up a new game.

 

Jesse tried not to hyperventilate with Hanzo so close. He was so close that Jesse could feel the warmth radiating off him. His hair was slightly messed up, and Jesse guessed he might not have showered since a couple days ago. He didn’t smell bad, but it was just so  _ him _ . Whenever Jesse was close enough, he could smell the shampoo and the slight scent of Hanzo below that, but now, it was overwhelming. He could drown in it.

 

Genji was flicking around the hero select screen, teasingly resting on a few other characters before going back to Kirby. He sent a smirk towards Hanzo, but he was unfazed. He slid his selection over to Kirby as well.

 

He looked back to Genji, a smile on his face, and said something in quick Japanese. Genji narrowed his eyes at him.

 

“ _ It’s on _ .” 

  
  


Jesse had seen very competitive matches of Super Smash Bros before in his life, but nothing compared to this. Genji was good at button mashing, but Hanzo could actually make combos. Jesse was never sure if Kirby could be used as anything but a troll hero, but he was wrong. 

 

Jesse felt like he was in the middle of a storm. To his left, Genji was  _ screeching _ , some in English and some in Japanese. He had stood up a few minutes ago and now refused to sit down, eyes glued to the screen. He made over-exaggerated movements of the controller as he tried to move, screaming how the  _ button wasn’t going fast enough _ and  _ holy fuck why can I never get powerups? _

 

Hanzo, on the other hand, was silent. The only sounds to Jesse’s right were the insanely fast clicking of buttons on the controller. His face showed no emotion, just pure concentration. Jesse could sit and watch his eyes for hours, how they sparkled as he kicked Genji off screen, his pupils following the characters on screen perfectly.

 

It was such a stark difference that Jesse couldn’t believe they were related. He and Sombra weren’t related by blood, but they had picked up habits from each other. Sombra was a master of finger guns and Jesse was a connoisseur of the phrase  _ “What’s in it for me?”. _

 

Hanzo and Genji were nothing alike. Besides looks, they were two different people. It was probably for the best. Jesse didn’t want to be in love with someone so much like his best friend. 

 

The game ended quickly, an almost perfect victory for Hanzo. Despite the amazing score and Genji’s whining of  _ you were cheating _ , Hanzo didn’t look that happy. His face lost the concentration, but stayed impassive. Only for a second did a look pass over his features that Jesse couldn’t understand. 

 

He wordlessly held the controller out to Jesse, who took it, stunned. Hanzo stood up, walking back around the couch.

 

“I have homework to do,” was all he said before heading towards the stairs. He stopped at the door, though, to call back, “And Genji? Stop screaming.”

 

And then he was gone.

 

Genji’s shoulders fell once Hanzo was out of sight and earshot and sighed. “Fuck. I really hoped that could cheer him up a bit.”

 

Jesse shrugged. “It seemed to work, until the end. What happened?”

 

“Hanzo usually wins, but I still went a little easy on him to let him beat me even more than he usually does. I had hoped that kicking my ass would’ve made him feel better, but I think he caught on.” Genji sighed. “Damn, it was working, too.”

 

“That’s surprisingly thoughtful for an asshole like you.”

 

Genji chuckled, setting the controller down. 

 

“Thanks, dickhead.”

 

**\--**

 

Jesse didn’t run into Hanzo again until a few days later. Hanzo didn’t come to school one day, and then when he did, Jesse didn’t have math. He hoped that Hanzo wasn’t avoiding him, but he could never be sure.

 

When he did run into him, though, Jesse promised himself he would at least make Hanzo smile. 

 

He caught sight of Hanzo by the cafeteria, trying to buy a bag of something from the vending machine. It was an old one, and it got stuck a lot. Hanzo was tapping on the surface lightly, a frown on his face.

 

Perfect opportunity.

 

Jesse snuck up behind him, trying to muster up enough courage not to fall into a pile of jelly.

 

“Hey.”

 

Hanzo turned around at the sound of his voice, jumping slightly in surprise, but he face brightened a bit when he saw Jesse. “Oh. Hey.”

 

Jesse slid his fingers through the belt loops of his jeans, hoping to draw some strength of the cowboy/high school douche pose he was making.

 

“You tryin’ to get a snack?” He said, raising an eyebrow. God, he hoped he wasn’t being too douchey.

 

“Yeah, but the bag got stuck.” Hanzo stepped a few inches to the side, letting Jesse see inside the machine. He could see a bag of potato chips stuck on the end of the metal spiral holding it in line, just barely not falling.

 

“That happens. Want some help?”

 

Hanzo looked at him questioningly. “Help? You mean, like buying the next bag, or getting a teacher? You don’t seem like that kind of person.”

 

Jesse laughed. “No, I don’t mean like that and yes, I am definitely not that responsible of a person. Please don’t mistake me for someone who makes smart choices.

 

That got a laugh out of Hanzo. Not a simple chuckle, but a full blown laugh. Okay, maybe not full blown, but enough that it lasted for a few seconds before Hanzo recovered. 

 

“Okay, what did you have in mind?”

 

Jesse smirked. “A really  _ really _ bad idea.” He moved back a few steps, getting into a pose like he was about to sprint. “Step aside, darlin’.”

 

Pet name aside, Hanzo stepped out of the way, an expectant look on his face.

 

With Hanzo out of danger, Jesse ran. He sprinted to the machine and when he was a few feet away, jumped and did a flying kick at the machine.  _ Shockingly _ , the glass didn’t shatter, but the whole machine shook. The bag of potato chips fell as well as a couple other snacks. 

 

Jesse  _ hoped _ he looked cool, but judging by the fact that he landed on his ass, he probably just looked stupid.

 

Hanzo was standing still, probably in shock, but there was a smile on his face. Less of a happy smile and more of a  _ what the fuck just happened _ smile, but it was good enough for Jesse. 

 

He stood up, brushing invisible dust off his shirt and turned to Hanzo with fake confidence for days. “Problem solved. I’m glad I cou-”

 

Before he could finish, he heard a teacher shout from across the cafeteria. The teacher was too far away to recognize, but Jesse could tell even from this distance that they were  _ pissed _ . 

 

He spun back to the machine, gathering the snacks in his arms then grabbing Hanzo.

 

He had to pull Hanzo along the first feet towards the stairs, but he caught on fast. In a few moments he was ahead of Jesse, laughing. He had grabbed one bag from Jesse’s arms and was sprinting up the stairs. 

 

Jesse tried not to feel said that he wasn’t holding Hanzo’s wrist anymore, but when Hanzo turned around and smiled at him, he nearly died. He almost stopped dead in his tracks but Hanzo turned back around and Jesse kept running. 

 

Eventually they turned a corner and decided they were safe. Both were slightly out of breath but still high on adrenaline. 

 

“See? I helped.” Jesse said.

 

Hanzo laughed, leaning against the wall before opening the bag in his hands. It wasn’t the bag of chips, but he didn’t seem to mind.

 

“You helped almost get me in trouble, but you got me extra snacks as well, so I forgive you.”

 

He slid down the wall until he was sitting. He motioned for Jesse to sit next to him, which he quickly scrambled to do, dropping the bag of snacks between them.

 

They sat without talking for a while, the only sound being the crinkling of plastic, but neither seemed to mind. It wasn’t until a few minutes later that Hanzo spoke.

 

“You know, thanks for that.” Hanzo said, looking straight ahead at the wall before continuing to eat.

 

“Kicking the machine? Please, I do that for fun.” Jesse joked. 

 

“No, for just…” He trailed off. “Being weird, I guess? I haven’t laughed like that in a while, so thanks.”

 

Jesse nodded, despite the fact that they weren’t looking at each other.

 

“I’d gladly do it more often, if you’d like.” He offered.

 

Hanzo didn’t say anything at first, worrying Jesse, but he just reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. He unlocked it and tapped a few times before handing it to Jesse.

 

“Type in your number and I’ll text you if I need you, okay?”

 

Jesse took the phone happily, trying not the smear the screen with whatever grease was on his fingers from the snacks.

 

“Got it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no vending machines were harmed in the writing of this chapter


	3. Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello tis me. this is the mentioned rape/non-con, so you are warned. i’m also a fucking sap so u get to deal with my stupid shitty romantic language. a lot of this is based on my own experiences so yeah.

Hanzo “needed” him about a week later. 

He was sitting on the couch with Gabe and Sombra, watching some cooking show, when his phone buzzed. It was currently beneath Sombra’s thigh since it had fallen and the buzzing scared the shit out of her. When Jesse was finished laughing, he checked.

can i come over?

He typed a quick sure in reply. It was around five so he didn’t really know why Hanzo wanted to head over so quickly but he didn’t mind. The only thing that worried him was how much Gabe and Sombra were going to embarrass him. 

“Hey Gabe?” 

Gabe turned slightly towards him, eyes slowly moving the screen. He grunted in reply.

“I’m having a friend over, is that okay?” He knew he didn’t really have to ask. Gabe was chill and didn’t mind when he had friends over, as long as they didn’t break any laws. Or, at least broke the laws under his supervision. 

Gabe nodded, and not two seconds later did the bell ring. Jesse didn’t even have time to wonder how Hanzo knows his address before he’s rushing to the door. He barely hears Sombra’s comment, “that’s desperation right there,” but still manages to glare at her before opening the door.

Hanzo is standing there, holding his phone. He has a weird look on his face, but doesn’t look upset. Jesse wordlessly steps aside and Hanzo walks in with a quiet “thank you”.

Hanzo only takes a few steps into the house before both Gabe and Sombra were turning and staring right at him. It was a tiny house. 

Sombra’s face split into a shit eating grin. “Oh my god he brought him home.”

Whatever emotion Hanzo was feeling dispersed as he bent over laughing. Jesse turned bright red and resisted the urge to strangle Sombra to death. When Hanzo recovered, he composed himself. 

Gabe stood up, walking over to the pair. “Gabriel Reyes, Jesse’s father.” he held out his hand.

Hanzo stood his ground, not looking fazed by the very large and intimidating man in front of him, shaking his hand and maintaining eye contact. “Hanzo Shimada, Jesse’s friend.”

Jesse beamed at being called Hanzo’s friend. Sombra caught him and snorted, and Jesse was upset that no object nearby could be thrown at her.

Gabe stared at Hanzo for a few more seconds before relaxing and smiling. “Oh, Genji’s brother, right? Nice to finally see you.”

Hanzo gave his own smile, albeit tiny. “Nice to meet you too. Genji talks about Jesse a lot.” he motioned to him, “And all the weird stuff they’ve done together.”

Sombra began cackling on the couch. She knew firsthand the shit that Jesse and Genji got up to. Jesse felt a little embarrassed that Hanzo knew. 

Seemingly unbothered by Sombra’s laughing, Hanzo turned to Jesse. “Sorry for the late notice, I just… needed somewhere to be.” he shifted on his feet, looking uncomfortable for the first time in his house.

“Yeah, it’s cool. Do you have anything you want to do? If not, we can just chill on the couch and watch cooking shows. If that’s okay?” Jesse was nervous as well. How does he entertain someone he’s been pining after for years?

Hanzo nodded. “Cooking shows sound good.”

Gabe walked back over to the couch, Jesse and Hanzo in tow. He went back to his spot in the middle, Sombra huddled over one arm of the couch with Jesse and Hanzo on his other side. Hanzo was leaning on the other arm, slightly curled in on himself, but Jesse didn’t say anything. This may be a one time thing, and he didn’t want to ruin it by making Hanzo uncomfortable.

 

They stayed like that for almost two more hours. Hanzo had slowly uncurled himself and relaxed, leaning slightly closer to Jesse. Jesse tried not to combust. Eventually, the marathon of the cooking show ended and Gabe and Sombra got up to make dinner. 

“I hope you didn’t mind me being here.” Hanzo said, turning to Jesse.

“N-No! It’s cool! It’s all cool.” He tried to make a chill pose, somewhere between shrugging and finger guns. He could feel himself dying on the inside. Thank God Sombra didn’t see or he would never live it down. 

Hanzo just chuckled at his awkwardness. “I just didn’t really want to stay at home....” He trailed off, not making eye contact. “Stuff is going on.” 

Jesse felt the urge to comfort Hanzo. He wanted to reach for his hand, take it in his own and tell Hanzo he would always be there for him. But Hanzo probably wasn’t in a romantic mood, so he opted for resting a hand on his arm instead.

“It’s okay. I hope you don’t mind microwave dinner. I-If you want to stay! That is…” He trailed off, pulling his hand back and turned away, blushing. 

Hanzo didn’t comment on it. He probably just saw it as nerves, not a crush. “I’ve never had one, actually.”

That got Jesse’s attention. 

“A frozen meal?”

Hanzo shook his head.

“So, your whole life every meal has been homemade or from a restaurant?”

Hanzo nodded again.

Jesse leaned back against the couch in half-real disbelief. “I knew you were rich, but I didn’t know you were that rich.”

Hanzo laughed, standing up. “That’s just the way my family is. I’d actually like to try one, if that doesn’t seem too weird.”

Jesse shot up, leading Hanzo to the kitchen. “No. Not weird at all. Perfectly normal.”

Sombra hadn’t caught any of the earlier awkwardness, but she did catch that comment. Hanzo wandered around the kitchen and dining room combination, exploring. As soon as his back was turned, Sombra turned to Jesse with a look of pure delight.

“You suck at this.” She leaned in and whispered.

“Shut up.”

\--

It had been a couple months of awkwardness between him and Hanzo, but things were getting better. Hanzo considered him a friend, and that was enough for Jesse. Sort of. 

The more Hanzo told him about his life–his insecurities in school, his extreme exercise routine–he began to fall more and more in love with him. Before, he was this image of a perfect human being, but now, he got even more perfect. Flaws and all, Jesse wanted him. 

And today was the day to do it.

 

“Valentine's day is the cheesiest way to confess a crush, you know.” Fareeha said, stuffing food into her mouth.

Jesse was currently running his plan by his lunch table, hoping to get some tips on how to not fail. So far, he was just getting teased.

“What are you even going to say?” Angela piped in. “Do you know what your going to say?”

Hana snorted. “This is what’s going to happen: he’s gonna go up to Hanzo, open his mouth, and nothing will come out.”

The whole table laughed. 

“He’s so going to freeze up and just stand there with his mouth open.” Fareeha laughed. 

Genji joined in. “Just standing there like…” Genji made a mock expression, his mouth hanging open and eyes nervous. “‘uhhhh.” he mocked Jesse’s voice. “‘you’re…. uh…. yeah.’”

Jesse leaned over and punched him in the arm. “I can do this, guys. You have no faith in me.”

Angela gave him a sad smile. “I hate to say this Jesse, but… you’ve really never given us any reason to.”

Hana cackled, leaning back to far she almost fell. “HOLY SHIT JESSE JUST GOT ROASTED BY THE NICEST PERSON IN EXISTENCE.”

Angela smiled sheepishly. “It’s true, though.”

Jesse clutched his heart in mock hurt. “Et tu, Angie?”

It was Fareeha’s turn to hit him. “Shut up, you know jack shit about that play.”

Jesse just stared at him. “It’s from a play.”

She sat still for a moment in shock. “Oh my God, you are literally the dumbest person I know.”

“I’m surprised you’ve lived this long.” Lucio added. 

“Okay, Lucio, you’ve been quiet this whole conversation, and you pick now to join? Just to roast me?” Jesse glared at him.

The entire table laughed, but quickly died down. Fareeha had pointed towards the entry of the cafeteria, where Hanzo was walking in.

“I know you’re going to do it today,” Hana said, “But I’ll give you fifty bucks if you do it now.”

Jesse looked nervous. “I-I don’t know, Hana, there’s a lot of people….”

Genji pressed his foot against Jesse’s back and shoved him out of his seat. “You need money. Go.”

Jesse turned back to the his friends, worried. Fareeha was shooing him away with her hands. Hana was raising an eyebrow at him, daring him to do it. Genji and Lucio were as just watching with curiosity. At least Angela gave him a thumbs up. 

He knew he couldn’t sit back down, his pride was at stake.

“Fine.” He huffed out. “But you owe me.” He gestured to the entire table. “Got it?”

“Yes yes yes, we understand, now go on.” Fareeha said, pushing him away. 

Jesse, now walking towards Hanzo, was completely out of things to say. How could he confess? He wanted to have a nice gesture, maybe a rose, but he didn’t know how Hanzo felt about those things. Maybe keep it simple? But then what would he say?

Before he knew it he was standing behind Hanzo. He had stopped to look at something on his phone. Jesse knew that this was his chance, but he couldn’t move. Suddenly, Hanzo turned around.

“Oh! Hi Jesse, I didn’t expect to see you there.” He smiled.

Oh God I’m Fucked.

“Hey, so, I know that you’re single, and…” Jesse trailed off. That was the worst thing to say. The only thing worse would be “hey so you’re boyfriend’s dead so I know you’re free.”

Hanzo’s face fell into a look of confusion, then an emotion Jesse couldn’t decipher. “Jesse?”

Jesse stood there, not responding. What the fuck does he say?

“I-I think I know where this is going and… I can’t. I’m sorry.” Hanzo gave him a pitying look and Jesse’s heart broke. He shouldn’t have expected that much.

Jesse shifted, uncomfortable. “Yeah, I kinda saw that coming…”

“But…” Hanzo said, looking away for a second. Jesse couldn’t help but get his hopes up. “I can’t….” he trailed off again. “...Yet.”

He still wasn’t making eye contact, but Jesse felt like he was over the moon. It wasn’t a yes, but it wasn’t a no. There was a “yet” in there, and that was enough. There was still a chance. And it meant that Hanzo wasn’t going to completely abandon him after his royal fuck up.

“O-Okay! I-I can….” Jesse rushed. He didn’t really want to show how enthusiastic he was. “I can wait.”

I’ve waited for years, I can wait a few more weeks. 

Hanzo gave a small smile. “I’m sorry, just, thanks for understanding? I like you, you’re a nice kid, but…” he stopped smiling

Jesse cut him off before it could get any worse. “No, I get it. I know this is fast but, I really like you? I kinda have for a while, and I just… wanted you to know? This is a really shitty time to do it, but still. I can go slow.”

Hanzo nodded, smiling softly again. “Thank you.”

\--

Angela was having a party at her house. She seemed like the last person to do such a thing, but she did it fairly often. They never got too wild, though. They were always only medium sized and everyone was too scared of her to trash the place.

That’s where Jesse was spending his Saturday night, hoping to get drunk on cheap liquor and and forget his worries.

Hanzo was also at the party, which sucked. It was hard to drink away your sorrow when your main source of sorrow was standing ten feet away. 

Genji plopped down next to him on the couch Jesse was sitting on. “I can hear you wallowing in self pity, dude. And I was a room over.”

Jesse groaned. “You don’t have to rub it in, okay?”

Genji chuckled. “Of course I do, that’s what friends are for!”

“Get off the couch.”

Genji laughed, but stood up. Jesse felt relief for a total of two seconds before he realized Genji was making his way towards Hanzo. He felt panic build as he watched Genji talk to his brother before pointing at Jesse.

Oh no.

Hanzo stared at him for a few moments before starting to walk over. Jesse felt a mix of excitement, panic, and dread. 

“Hey. You okay with talking?” Hanzo asked, standing before him.

Jesse nodded, and Hanzo sat down next to him.

“I’m sorry for everything being so complicated, but I’m a little lost.”

Jesse nodded again, the drink slowing him down. “It’s okay.”

Hanzo leaned back, staring at the ceiling. “I like you too, you know? I just don’t really know what to do. I should be moving on from… him… but I don’t know if I want to yet.”

“I get it, don’t pressure yourself.” Jesse reassured him. “The last thing I want is for this to upset you. I just… had to get it off my chest. I’m sorry if made you uncomfortable.”

“No, no, I just…” Hanzo sighed. “Don’t really know what to do? This situation doesn’t happen that often.”

Jesse chuckled. “Yeah. It would suck if it did.”

Hanzo smiled. “Yeah, it would.”

The two sat in silence for a while. Jesse had rolled his head to look at Hanzo, who was still staring at the ceiling. He was just so beautiful. His eyes were unfocused but Jesse could still get lost in them. God, he was so hopelessly in love. 

Suddenly, Hanzo turned to him. “Do you want to go outside? There’s a lot of people here.”

Jesse shrugged, sitting up. “Sure.”

Hanzo stood up abruptly, taking Jesse’s hand and pulling him along. He didn’t mind one bit.

Angela’s backyard and nice and neat. There were gardens of flowers along the edges of it and well maintained green grass in the middle. Hanzo pulled him along until they reached the center of the lawn before he stopped. He almost looked confused as to where he was.

“S-Sorry, I think I’m a little out of it.”

Jesse shrugged. “No worries.”

It was mostly the alcohol in his system but he felt a lot more comfortable. In the moonlight, Hanzo looked like an angel, and normally it would destroy him, but he was surprisingly okay.

Hanzo let go of his hand and sat down on the grass. Jesse followed.

“I brought you out here to talk and now I don’t know what to say.”

Hanzo was staring at his knees, unmoving.

“I can talk then.” Jesse said with a burst of confidence. He really wasn’t himself. 

Hanzo looked surprised, but didn’t stop him. 

“I know it’s probably overwhelming to have to deal with me so soon. I just… I needed to do it. I probably fucked everything up and I’m sorry…”

He fell back onto the grass so he was lying down. 

“I’ve liked you for a long time. I liked you before you met Akande, and still while everything was going on. I knew it would be shitty to confess while you were in a relationship, especially since I know it would be a guaranteed rejection. I had basically watched you two from afar, sorta jealous, which I really should’ve of been. You guys just looked so happy together.”

Jesse saw a look of guilt and sadness growing on Hanzo’s face, but he was quick to stop it.

“It’s not your fault. I was happy you were happy, and I was convinced it was enough. But when Akande…” he didn’t want to say it. “I realized I suddenly had a chance. And wow, that sounds like a terrible thing to think and even say but…“ he shrugged. “I’ve had a bit to drink tonight, I’m really not thinking enough.”

Hanzo didn’t say anything, just lay down next to him, staring at the sky.

“So, how’d you two meet?” Jesse turned to see Hanzo. He looked peaceful there, lying on the grass. He really wanted to break the awkwardness.

“Sometimes I wish we never met. He’s the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me, but the things that had to happen for us to get together I wish never happened.”

Well that’s cryptid. Jesse felt a little sting in his heart when Hanzo spoke so fondly of Akande, the love in his eyes could rival how much Jesse loved Hanzo. 

“I guess the same thing happened with my and my mama.”

Hanzo rolled over, the sheets ruffling as he looked at Jesse. Jesse felt his heart stop as he looked at Hanzo. His eyes were curious, but there was a layer of something hidden deep inside them. His hair fell over his face. Jesse had to resist the urge to brush the locks away and tuck them behind his ear. Romantic gesture, but probably not the best time for it.

“Well, we got into an accident on an old dirt road somewhere in the middle of the rez. Something happened with the engine of our shitty car and we hit a tree. Lost control and the brakes stopped workin’. Smashed right into it. I was around nine.”

Hanzo winced. “That sounds horrible.”

Jesse nodded. “There ain’t any hospitals around so you just gotta deal with the stuff yourself. No 911 either. Mama ended up dying that day and I ended up losing my arm.” he waved his prosthetic arm a bit to emphasize his point.

Hanzo stared at him, wide eyed. “How could an accident on a dirt road cause such harm?”

“It didn’t. It was trying to get us to some place where someone could help us. Miles of nothingness, no hospitals, just me trying to drag my mama back home. She ended up bleedin’ out and my arm got infected so bad they had to amputate it. I was sent into the foster system.”

Hanzo reached over, resting his hand on Jesse’s arm in an attempt at reassurance. It sent Jesse’s heart racing but he tried to keep his voice steady.

“It sucked for a few years, moving from family to family, but I finally found a home. My Papi, Gabe, was a better dad than my real one was. And Sombra is probably the best sibling one could get. She’s annoying as hell but I love her to death.”

Jesse closed his eyes. The look that Hanzo was giving him, the pain in his expression he felt for Jesse was getting to him. He was about to cry. 

“I miss my mama a lot sometimes, but without that accident, I’d still be living in a shitty house without running water. And now I know she’s with me, off of that shitty piece of land she called home. And I’m thankful, I guess.

“I got to meet all my friends. Fareeha, Genji, and you. I’ve met the best people in my life.”

He opened his eyes, staring at the night sky. Hanzo’s hand on his arm felt like it was going to burn him and he tried to focus on that to keep himself from crying. 

The concern, the honest emotion he could see in Hanzo’s eyes felt like too much. It was his dream come true to be next to him, staring at the stars, telling secrets. It was too good to be true. He didn’t want this to be a one night thing. He was scared that the next day, the two of them would go back to the awkward friendship they had. 

This was his one chance. Hanzo was right there in front of him, the perfect opportunity to tell Hanzo everything. 

They both let the silence drag on before Jesse let out a dry laugh.

“Sorry ‘bout that. Ramblin’ is something I do sometimes. Sucks, I know.”

“I’m glad for it.” Jesse turned to see Hanzo smiling at him, just a small upturn of his lips. “It’s really beautiful the things you can say, Jesse.” 

God, Jesse could say a million words and nothing would be as beautiful as Hanzo saying his name. 

Hanzo chuckled. “I guess I owe you one heartfelt confession as well, don’t I?”

“Not if you don’t want to. I didn’t share my story just to make you talk. If I did, I would’ve lied and said something much more depressing.” Jesse smiled and Hanzo laughed.

“I liked the story you told, anyway. How the bad things that happen can sometimes lead to good.”

“You transitioning into your own story now?” Jesse joked. 

“Yes, now shut up and listen you stupid cowboy wannabe.” Hanzo smiled through the entire insult and Jesse grabbed his heart, pretending to be offended. He was about to defend himself when Hanzo looked away and Jesse took that as his cue to shut it.

“Have you heard the rumors? About how we got together? I’m assuming that’s why you asked.”

I’m asking because I’m madly in love with you and extremely jealous was what Jesse really felt, but that probably would never come out right.

“Yeah, a few. A lot of them were about how Akande was jealous of your ex and kicked him off the football team so he wouldn’t have competition.”

Hanzo barked out a laugh that sounded a little too bitter. “Not exactly.”

Hanzo fell silent for a while and Jesse just let him. He probably needed his time.

“I dated another football player before Akande and I met him through connections, that’s the simple answer.”

“What’s the not simple answer?”

Hanzo hummed. “Long.”

“We’ve got time.”

He smiled at Hanzo, hoping to seem comforting and not demanding of the details. Fortunately it worked and Hanzo seemed to calm down and finally began to talk.

“At the end of my sophomore year I met someone after him and his friends spray painted my car, thinking it belonged to a different team’s star player. He apologized and offered to help clean it up and we kept talking after that. All through the summer we met up and eventually started dating. He was my first love. His name was James.”

Jesse had heard of him. He wasn’t that popular but he was a football player, so people knew his name. 

“Around the middle of Junior year we met at his house while his parents weren’t home. It wasn’t the first time he made it clear that sex was his goal, but this was the only time I had agreed. He was my first, and I thought that meant something. He began to ask for me more often, claiming that if I did it once I would agree to do it again. And I believed him.

“Eventually he just stopped asking altogether.”

Hanzo stopped there and sighed. Jesse wanted to reach over and hold his hand, provide any sort of comfort, but he thought that one touch would break the spell and Hanzo would go back to be closed off. He gripped the hem of his shirt instead.

“Since he always said yes the few times I initiated, I thought it was only fair. He was rough and sometimes it was painful. But other times it felt like the greatest experience I’d ever had. He loved me, I knew that. Even if he didn’t act like it I always knew.

“Most of the time it was after a game. When they won, we’d go out together for dinner, or stay in and watch a movie. We’d make love and just hold each other. 

“Losing was another story. He’d be rough and just take.”

Jesse felt a sick and twisted feeling in his gut. Hanzo didn’t look much better but his face had a determined look, like he was going to force himself to say everything. Jesse didn’t have the heart to stop him.

“End of junior year, last game of the season, lost 10-23. I was underneath the bleachers like I always was after a game, waiting for him to come out and drive us back to his house. He looked different that day and I don’t really know why. It was a bad loss but the team had worse. I thought we’d just drive home in silence and he’d do what he wanted to me and then drive me home. The same things he always did.”

It took awhile for Jesse to notice Hanzo’s hands trembling against the grass.

“There’s a small maintenance shed behind the bleachers. Along one wall there are scratches from me. He forced me against the wall and pulled at my clothes. My shirt was ripped and my paints were stained from the dirt. It wasn’t long but it hurt. I fought for a while but I knew he wasn’t going to stop. I just grabbed at the wall for dear life and waited for it to be over.”

Jesse finally gathered the courage to reach over and rest his hand on Hanzo’s. Hanzo didn’t looked at him, but he grabbed that hand and held it so tight Jesse thought it would break.

“Akande stayed after the games sometimes. Pick up the field, help the team, whatever he thought was his duty as captain. He found me by the shed. He let me wear the clothes he changed out of before the game and drove me home. He didn’t ask a lot of questions, just if I was okay. Right before he dropped me off at my house he told me to break up with him. Softly, just the quiet suggestion that I shouldn’t be with him anymore.

“I found out the next day that Akande had kicked him off the team. He didn’t say why but people trusted his judgement. I finally got the courage to break up with James after that. It was hard and I still loved him, but I knew what had to be done. He told me he’d kill himself if I left him.”

Hanzo let out a sigh, then a small laugh. Jesse cringed at the bitter taste it left in his mouth.

“He didn’t, though. He was always a coward.”

Hanzo loosened his grip on Jesse’s hand, but not by much. It was only loose enough that Jesse no longer feared his bones breaking.

“Since then, things have gotten better. Akande helped me through so much, Genji and I finally got closer, and I made better friends. I met you.”

Hanzo rolled onto his side as he said that and looked at Jesse like he was the whole world. Jesse felt a pain in his chest as he looked into Hanzo’s eyes. 

He was so beautiful. His long hair flowing out along the grass, some falling into his face. His smile was small, but it lit up his whole face. He looked so soft, so warm, unlike his normal self. He looked like someone Jesse wanted to wake up next to every morning. 

Jesse didn’t know why it hurt so much.

After a few moments, Hanzo’s face changed slightly, a small bit of fear creeping into his expression at Jesse’s lack of a response. Jesse squeezed his hand and smiled back. What was he supposed to say?

Apparently that was what Hanzo wanted, because he sat up a bit before leaning back down over Jesse. He pressed a light kiss to his lips before standing up again.

“Come on, Angela’s probably worried about us by now.”

Jesse felt like his whole body just stopped functioning when Hanzo kissed him. It took until Hanzo nudged his shoulder with his foot for Jesse to realize he had to breath.

“Yeah, sorry, got a little lost in the moment there, sweetheart.”

For the first time, Hanzo smiled at the pet name. Jesse almost stumbled as he was getting up when he saw that. 

This was everything Jesse had always wanted. 

Why did it feel so wrong?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OTL


	4. Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> more parties. and minor references to smut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello tis i. don’t do drugs and use a condom. thanks this has been a psa.

Hanzo fit in well in the friend group. He immediately hit it off with Hana; both of them played Pokemon religiously. He surprisingly worked well with Angela. The two were calm and level-headed, which is why they probably got comfort in each other whenever someone else in the group did something incredibly stupid.

 

“I feel like I’m taking care of a pack of idiots.” Angela had once said. Hanzo agreed.

 

It was nice to see Hanzo sitting with them at lunch, seeing him smiling and laughing at something Genji said. He looked as happy as he was before everything happened. 

 

He was still zoning out, looking lovingly at Hanzo until he realized Genji was telling an embarrassing story about him. 

 

“I love the guy, but he’s so fucking  _ dense _ sometimes.”

 

Jesse had no idea what he was talking about, but was offended anyways.

 

Genji continued. “I mean, are the primary colors  _ that _ confusing?”

 

The table laughed.

 

“Hey, I was young,” Jesse responded. 

 

“No, you weren’t. This was middle school, dude,  _ middle school _ . You were like,  _ thirteen _ .”

 

“And didn’t know why the primary colors were primary?” Angela asked, looking slightly amused. 

 

Hanzo raised an eyebrow at the question. “Did you not know the primary colors were colors that can’t be created from mixing other colors?”

 

Jesse felt himself blush. “Okay, well, no, I didn’t, but it’s confusing! I thought they were just three random colors.”

 

“Three random colors that also can’t be made from other colors, just as a coincidence? Didn’t that ever click?” Fareeha asked.

 

“Dude,” Genji laughed, “I don’t think he noticed.”

 

“Who pays attention to those kinds of things? It’s  _ colors _ , not rocket science.”

 

Hana joined in, “Well, if it isn’t rocket science, then you should’ve understood it sooner.”

 

“When did you finally figure it out?” Angela asked.

 

Genji laughed. “He never did. I had to tell him.”

 

Everyone continued laughing at Jesse’s expense.

 

Genji continued, “He was sitting there in art class, holding a tube of orange and a tube of green and staring at his palette, confused as fuck. I asked him what he was trying to do and he said ‘I need yellow but it’s not working’. I told him he couldn’t make yellow ‘cause it was a primary color and he looked like his whole world was shattered.”

 

“Alright, time for you to shut the fuck up, mister all-string-instruments-are-violins.”

 

**\--**

 

Despite having the world’s most strict parents, Genji thought it was a great idea to throw a party while they were away.  Even after everyone telling him what a horrible idea it was, even Hanzo saying how they  _ both _ would be  _ crucified _ if their parents ever found out, he still did it. And everyone still went. 

 

It was small; they had a small group of friends. There were a couple of other people Genji knew, but after a couple hours it was just the close group of friends.

 

Genji apparently had a little bit of weed to spare and decided to see how many people he could get high before it ran out. So far, he himself, Hana, and Fareeha were out of it, with Lucio halfway there. Hanzo sat on their couch, watching the four of them watch cartoons on the TV, softly mumbling different ways he could kill Genji and dispose of the body.

 

He was sitting next to Angela, who was also watching the small group of stoned kids. She had her elbows resting on her knee and her head in her hands, looking like a tired mom.

 

“I’ve failed them. They’ve gone to drugs.” she said.

 

Jesse plopped down in between the two of them, scaring Hana half to death as he stepped over her. 

 

“Nah, you didn’t fail them. They were all failures before you even showed up.”

 

Angela pouted. “But they were so  _ good _ before…”

 

Jesse laughed. “I hate to break it to ya, but they were never good.”

 

“Genji was always a pain in the ass.” Hanzo added. “Even before birth he annoyed the fuck out of everyone. He used to hiccup at  _ three in the morning _ .”

 

“That’s rough.” Angela said, leaning back against the couch next to Jesse. 

 

The three of them sat in silence for a while. The four in front of them were too stoned to notice them, and honestly didn’t even care. The TV was playing Spongebob and that’s all that mattered. 

 

They were an hour into cartoons before Angela spoke up again.

 

“Why do you think they do this?”

 

“Do what?” Hanzo asked, leaning forward a bit on the couch. He was almost asleep, but he could wake up pretty fast.

 

“Weed. Drugs in general. I don’t really understand.”

 

Jesse groaned, stretching his arms from where they were uncomfortably resting behind his head. “I don’t really know, but I guess it’s fun. I’ve done it a couple times. Not really worth the hassle of breaking the law, if you ask me.”

 

Angela hummed in reply. 

 

“I guess it’s to escape.” Hanzo added after a moment of silence. “To not feel stress anymore. It’s always there, the weight always holding you down, but drugs help. They don’t really take stress away, but it helps you ignore it.”

 

Angela turned to Hanzo. “Have you ever done any?”

 

He shook his head. “I’d get into too much trouble if I ever was caught. I can find legal reasons to help me with stress.” he looked down at Genji, who was currently passed out on the floor. His eyes were half annoyed, half sad, but with a little bit of sadness. “Genji wouldn’t have such a harsh punishment, so that’s why he can get away with more stuff.  He always can.”

 

Jesse and Angela decided not to push that topic any further. She turned to Jesse. “What about you?”

 

Jesse shrugged. “Like I said, I’ve done it a couple times, never really liked it. I like to feel grounded, not all loopy and shit and whatever you feel like when you’re high. I like to feel  _ real _ . Some people enjoy feeling like they don’t exist, or that they can fade in and out of reality, but not me.”

 

Hanzo chuckled. “You don’t do drugs, but you talk like you’re high.”

 

Angela laughed while Jesse pouted. He opened his mouth to respond but Hana interrupted him.

 

“Mooooooooommmmmm, I’m tiiiiiirrrrred.” She turned around to see Angela, clinging to her legs and smushing her face into her knees. 

 

Angela sighed, standing up. “Come on, I can drive you guys home.”

 

Hana perked up a bit. “McDonald’s on the way?”

 

That got Lucio to turn around as well, clinging to Hana. “Please?”

 

Angela groaned, walking towards the door to grab her keys. The two scrambled after her. She turned back to Hana and Jesse. “In the morning, tell Hana she owes me.”

 

Jesse gave her a thumbs up. “Got it. You alright to drive?”

 

“Yeah, I haven’t drank anything and the joint went out a while ago, I should be fine.”

 

Hanzo and Jesse both said their goodbyes and Angela practically carried Hana and Lucio out to her car.

 

Hanzo turned to Jesse. “Did you drive here, or walk?”

 

“Walked.”

 

Hanz nodded, looking out the window into the darkness of the night. I was almost three, way too late to be walking home.

 

“Stay here for the night, I can show you the guest bedroom.” He said, standing up.

 

Jesse was about to ask whether Fareeha would need a bedroom, but she was already out cold on the floor next to Genji.

 

“Yeah, okay.”

 

Hanzo took his hand, leading him down a few sets of hallways to the guest bedroom. Jesse felt heated at their small amount of contact. He wasn’t high on weed, but he still felt a surge of excitement when he was touching Hanzo.

 

Eventually they reached the room, Hanzo leading Jesse inside. 

 

Jesse stepped into the room, walking straight to the bed and flopping onto it. He lay there for a few seconds before he noticed that Hanzo was still standing in the doorway.

 

“You okay?” he asked, sitting up on the side of the bed.

 

Hanzo nodded, walking over to Jesse and sat next to him.

 

The two were silent for a while before Jesse turned to look at him. He reached up, cupping Hanzo’s cheek and turning him to face Jesse.

 

They stared at each other for a few seconds, silent.

 

Then all of a sudden Hanzo was kissing him. He tasted like sunshine and happiness and everything Jesse wanted. 

 

Hanzo’s hands were on his shoulders, reaching up to his neck to hold him closer. He had moved his lap and his thighs were bracketing Jesse’s hips. Jesse was in heaven. Then Hanzo pulled back.

 

“Are you sure?” Hanzo asked. “Like, really sure? 

 

“ _ Hell _ yeah I’m sure. Are  _ you _ sure?” Jesse said. He didn’t even know why Hanzo was asking, he could clearly feel Jesse’s hard-on against his thigh.

 

Hanzo leaned in, resting his forehead against Jesse’s and sighed. “I’ve been sure for a while, I just don’t… want to fuck things up.”

 

Jesse smiled. “Leave the fucking up to me, okay?” He rolled his hips up, grinding against  Hanzo, drawing a groan out of both of them. “And the fucking, as well.” He wiggled his eyebrows at Hanzo, which earned him a smile.

 

Hanzo leaned in, placing a chaste kiss on his lips before tilting his head to nose along Jesse’s jaw. 

 

“Alright, go ahead.” He said, a challenge in his voice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was short


	5. Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the finale. it's not climactic at all i don't know how to end things sorry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello it is me again. thanks for staying this long. angst-y conversations follow with mentioned victim blaming and shit, so sorry bout that
> 
> i don’t know how to end a story. thanks for reading. i’m gonna go die now bye bye.

Jesse woke with the sun shining at the worst possible angle into his eyes. That and someone had moved the sheets off of him and he was freezing. He groaned, rolling over to grab at the sheets and pull them over himself but they didn’t budge. Opening his eyes, his saw Hanzo sitting up, gripping them. He turned to Jesse, apologetic. 

“Did I wake you?” He asked softly. 

“No, the sun was in my eyes.” His voice was still rough with sleep and he hoped that Hanzo would let him sleep a little more.

Hanzo hummed in response, going back to looking away from him. His hair was still a bit of a mess from the night before, but it still stood a beautiful contrast to the paleness of his skin. He looked sad, though.

“Somethin’ wrong?” Jesse asked.

Hanzo was silent for a few moments. “I didn’t push things too far, did I?” He turned back, worry in his eyes.

“No, not at all.” Jesse finally sat up. He wished Hanzo would let go of the sheets so he could cover himself up because this didn’t seem like a conversation he wanted to have with his dick out.

Hanzo looked down at his hands. Jesse reached over and lay one hand over Hanzo’s, gently untangling them from the sheets. He still wasn’t looking at Jesse though.

“Damn, was I that bad last night?” Jesse chuckled, trying to lighten the mood.

Hanzo’s shoulders shook with slight laughter, and that was a victory, but it was short lived. “No, I just thought…” he trailed off.

Jesse sat up, grateful for the cool air on his body but still a little awkward wearing nothing. “Thought what? I promise that I wanted everything that happened last night, even if I seemed a little out of it. I wanted you, don’t worry about it.”

“I know that, I just…” he trailed off again, but this time he glanced at Jesse, though not at his face. “Was this too fast? I don’t want this to be a rebound, I really do care for you, but is this really right right now? I feel like I’m just using you to get over…” Hanzo leaned forward, resting his head on Jesse’s shoulder. “him.”

Jesse reached up and rested a hand on the back of Hanzo’s neck. Not to do anything, just as a comfort. “If anyone should be worried about ‘using’ it should be me. This is probably the worst time to confess to a crush. I should’ve waited. Given you time, you know? You were vulnerable, and I feel like I just… jumped at the chance to get close, even if it wasn’t the right time.”

Jesse closed his eyes, resting his head over Hanzo’s and just inhaling the scent of his shampoo. It was quiet for a few moments until he felt Hanzo shaking slightly. He pulled back, worried he was crying or was upset but was surprised to find Hanzo laughing.

“Two wrongs make a right, I guess? I don’t really know, I just think I’m going crazy.”

Hanzo stood up, grabbing clothes from the floor and not really looking in Jesse’s direction. It didn’t seem like avoidance, just like he was lost in thought.

“I think I’ll head home, talk with you on Monday. Or Wednesday, since you’re out, I don’t know. Give you some time to think, okay? Maybe we both need it. I-I don’t think this was a mistake, no! Don’t get me wrong, I just…”

Hanzo raised his hand, effectively cutting him off. “I understand, Jesse. Don’t worry.” He gave a reassuring smile, small but still there, before going back to getting dressed.

Jesse glanced down at his pants like they held all the answers. 

\--

“You have to talk to me, I’m getting seriously worried about you right now.” Genji nudged Jesse’s shoulder, but he just lay there like a sack of potatoes.

It had been a few days since the party and Genji was getting worried.

Hanzo was out of state looking at colleges so Jesse was left alone with Genji. They were currently in his room lying on his bed, as the rest of the room was covered in dirty clothes and other random objects. Genji had a cool rug, so he was told, but he’s never seen it. It wasn’t as awkward as Jesse thought it would be, hanging out with Genji again after he lost his virginity to his brother, but it wasn’t perfect either.

Ever since that night he and Hanzo have gotten closer. Hanzo began to share his insecurities and Jesse finally starting working on taking care of himself. His dreams were coming true.

“What do you want me to say?” Jesse turned his head just enough to stare at Genji. He was leaning against the wall, tapping away at his phone, his legs sprawled across Jesse’s lap. Jesse was lying on the bed, his legs dangling off, not saying anything for the past twenty minutes. 

“You were practically jumping off the fucking walls when you started hanging out with Hanzo, and it looks like you guys are pretty close.” 

“Yeah? And?”

“You stopped being happy, I guess. Did something happen between you guys?”

Jesse was under the assumption that Genji knew what he did with Hanzo, but apparently not. Hanzo told him that he tells Genji everything. Mostly everything.

“Yeah.” Jesse said plainly.

Genji’s eyebrows shot up. “You can’t just say “yeah” and not say what happened!”

“We fucked, you happy?” Jesse snapped. He didn’t know why but Genji was just pissing him off for some reason.

Genji didn’t say anything for a few moments. He looked like he was trying to find the words to say something but wasn’t having any luck. “Oh,” was all he said, lamely, after a while.

Jesse let Genji suffer for a little bit longer, watching him struggle to find something to say, before finally taking pity on him.

“It was better than I imagined.” Jesse said softly

Genji’s face was torn between happiness for Jesse’s sake and disgust at knowing his brother’s sex life. 

“So what’s the problem then, if it was so great?” Genji looked like he was in physical pain having to talk about Hanzo’s sex life and it would’ve been hilarious if Jesse was in a better mood.

“I don’t know. This is everything I’ve wanted for years. Sure, Hanzo isn’t what I expected, but he’s better than what I expected. I never thought I could love him more, but I could. He’s a perfect fucking angel and I feel like I died and the Devil’s having a fun time making my personal Hell.”

Genji cut him off. “Being with Hanzo is your personal Hell?” he seemed almost offended on Hanzo’s behalf.

“No, it’s not that. It’s feels like it’s too perfect. I feel like any day now Hanzo’s gonna look at me and realize what a piece of shit I am. He might change his mind and leave and it’ll just go back to me watching him from the sidelines. It’s like life is giving me a taste of paradise so that my normal life will feel like shit.” He was rambling again, he knew it. But he had nowhere else to go to talk about this. 

“Why are you so sure that Hanzo’s gonna leave, or that something’s gonna separate you?” Genji’s voice had a seriousness in it that Jesse hadn’t seen before. He cared a lot about his brother, but it never really showed that much. The sheer love and concern for his brother and Jesse himself hidden beneath those words was overwhelming.

Jesse sat up, trying to keep himself from falling apart.

“I’ve been thinking about a lot of things lately. I’ve been having dreams about my mother. I think about how suddenly I lost her, how suddenly everything I had known was taken away from me. And I think about Akande a lot as well. As much as I hated the guy that was dating the love of my life, he was a good person. He was kind and smart and athletic and rich. He had everything going for him. He was the kind of person that would be accepted into Harvard in middle school.”

Jesse could feel himself falling down the hole of comparing Akande to himself. Hanzo told him it didn’t matter but he never felt good enough compared to him.

“But life ruined it. Life took him away. Life takes away the best things and leaves behind the trash. Like the rapture, or some shit. It takes away everything I love. It just takes and takes and I just know that it’s gonna take away Hanzo too.”

He didn’t realize he was crying until Genji was handing him a tissue. Tears had already run down past his jaw and were uncomfortable wet around his neck. He grabbed the tissue from Genji and cleaned himself off while Genji reached back to grab the tissue box.

“Life doesn’t always take away everything.” Genji wasn’t looking at him as he said this, just staring at the tissue box on his bedside table a few inches out of his reach. “When I was five, I got into a car accident with my dad. He panicked, afraid he would lose me. He bought me anything I wanted, trying to make what he thought were my final days the best days of my life. Even after I got out of the hospital he kept spoiling me. I didn’t really get it at the time, but I enjoyed the attention. It took years for him to settle down again.”

“Yeah, Hanzo told me about that. He fucking hated you those years, getting all the attention and being spoiled rotten.” Jesse smiled a bit, remember just how long Hanzo ranted about it to him. 

Genji laughed. “Yeah, he was jealous. But eventually things went back to normal and he stopped hating me. There’s a reason he hasn’t killed me yet.”

Jesse threw the tissue on the floor of Genji’s room, letting it fall to where it belonged, smiling slightly.

“So what was the point in that story? To cheer me up?” Jesse chuckled. It worked, if that’s what Genji was going for.

“I dunno, it just sounded deep and felt like it would help. Just enjoy the moments you have now instead of dreading when it’ll be over, okay? If Hanzo leaves you in a month you’ll regret spending that month not enjoying Hanzo but being afraid. Life is shitty and it’ll fuck you over a hundred times, so you just gotta enjoy the moments when it gives you a break. And trust me, Hanzo’s just as paranoid as you.”

“He is?” Why would Hanzo be scared? Hanzo was perfection compared to Jesse, so why was he scared?

“Yeah, after the night you first kissed, I think, Hanzo almost had a panic attack in his room. He thought he ruined everything. He thought that he pushed things too fast and that you didn’t really want him and were just going along with him. And I don’t know what he said to you that night, but he was freaking out, thinking that you’d hate him for it.”

“He told me how he and Akande started dating. That story only made me want to love Hanzo more. It just made me realize how much I wanted to be there for him. I was afraid that he’d find me too clingy.”

Genji nodded along. “It’s irrational, but he fears that people will hate him if they know what happened.”

“So you know?”

Genji nodded again. “Yeah, I was the first person he told. I was there for him. The only time I left his side was when I tried to take the family sword and kill a bitch.” He laughed, but it died after a few seconds. “It really shook Hanzo up. He wasn’t focused and his grades were slipping a bit. Of course Father immediately wanted to know why. His perfect son not being perfect was his biggest concern. Hanzo told him what happened. He thought Father would understand, or maybe try to help him. For the first time I could remember, Hanzo was reaching out for help. “

Jesse wasn’t really liking the direction this story was going.

“Father didn’t take it well. He didn’t believe that anything happened at first, that Hanzo was lying about everything, even that fact that he was dating someone, but when he found out about their relationship, he started believing that Hanzo lied about that night. He didn’t say anything to Hanzo, but I could hear him talking to our relatives about how Hanzo changed the story to make himself a victim. He just thought Hanzo was crying out for attention, and so he just went and told the family everything. He never liked the fact that Hanzo was gay, but he tolerated it, I guess. But I heard him in the middle of the night on the phone once saying how this is just the stuff that happens to people like Hanzo, how it was what Hanzo deserved.”

Genji stopped talking for a few seconds, letting Jesse process things for a little bit before he spoke again.

“And Hanzo believed him. He started thinking that he deserved everything that happened, that it was his fault, that he was weak and disgusting for allowing it to happen.” Genji made a face, anger and sadness in his eyes. “He thought that people would hate him if they knew what happened. I tried telling him that he shouldn’t think like that, like it was his fault, but he didn’t listen to me. Father’s words ruined him and now he thinks that everyone he meets will think that same thing as our batshit crazy, disgusting, horrible father does.”

Jesse thought that the fear in Hanzo’s eyes when he told the story was about having to say it out loud. Somehow, it hurt more that Hanzo was more scared of what Jesse would think of him than anything else.

The doubt he always saw in Hanzo began to make sense. How scared he looked after he finished. It hurt to see that fear in a person who was perfect in every way.

“He was weird before we did it.” Jesse said. “I thought he was high so I said no at first, but he said he hadn’t had anything. But he was acting really weird.”

“Weird how?”

“He was acting like we could never do this again, like it was our only chance.”

“I mean, it kinda was, wasn’t it?” Genji said. Jesse turned to him, raising an eyebrow in question. “You were a virgin, so you have one chance for your first time. Hanzo was probably worried because I told him you weren’t.”

“When was that? You know more about my sex life than me but you thought I wasn’t a virgin? Weren’t my pathetic stories enough for you?” Jesse sat up in fake shock, but couldn’t help the laughter in his voice. Somehow, he was feeling a little better.

“You were talking about this girl you met over the summer that you hung out with. You said she ‘felt really good’ to be with.”

“I meant like she was nice to talk to. We spent the whole night talking, I told you that.”

“No, you said you had a ‘magical night together’. How can that not be interpreted as sex?”

“When you realize platonic things exist, you perv.” Jesse laughed, throwing a stray pillow at Genji’s face.

Genji knocked it away easily, not even breaking eye contact with Jesse. “Well, excuuuuuuse me for thinking that when you use the same language I use to talk about sex, I assume you’re talking about sex.”

“Shut up, mister ‘I’ve touched exactly three boobs in my life’, I didn’t know you were an English major.”

That got Genji laughing. “Okay, that’s enough. This conversation is going to circle back to Hanzo, I know it, and I don’t want to talk about my brother’s sex life.”

“That’s fair.” Just thinking about Sombra, or even Gabe, being with someone almost made him sick.

\--

It was Friday when Jesse saw Hanzoa again. He had been out for college visits and they were both too busy to see each other, but since Jesse was sleeping over with Genji, they could hang out then. 

It wasn’t the first time Jesse had stayed over at the Great Shimada Castle™, but it was the first time he did while dating one of the brothers.

Sojiro and Hideko were nice enough, happy to entertain their son’s friend as long as they didn’t get into too much trouble. Now, however, it was a little more awkward.

Sojiro was always just a stone wall. His glare could melt steel and his voice came straight from an evil dictator from a movie. Still, if he tried not to let the ‘I can and I will cut your balls off’ look get to him, he was alright.

Hideko, on the other hand, was pure terror. She was just as stone cold as her husband, but she could put on the sweetest facade. She smiled very nicely but it never reached her eyes. In fact, the only thing her eyes ever showed was suspicion at Jesse’s intentions with her son. Just standing next to Hanzo in front of her felt like too much. She probably wouldn’t be satisfied until there was a wall keeping the two of them separate. Either that or a condom wrapped around all of Jesse.

The brothers themselves didn’t seem to notice their parents’ hostility towards Jesse. Genji’s whispered they do this to every guest wasn’t that reassuring. Jesse knew that they only did this to guests who wanted to fuck their children. They probably got plenty of experience whenever Genji brought someone home.

But this was the first time their perfect son Hanzo brought someone home. Whatever Genji’s lovers dealt with wasn’t nearly as bad as this.

His every move was judged. His struggle with the chopsticks for two seconds got a look from Hideko like she already decided he wasn’t good enough for her son. She never said a word, letting Genji ramble on and Sojiro occasionally say a word or two.

“...we’re reading the weirdest book for school and Jesse said the funniest thing in class yesterday.” 

Jesse shot a look at Genji of don’t you dare say this I could be kicked out of your house, but Genji only smiled innocently.

“So there’s this scene where these guys are putting on a play and our teacher had us act it out and Jesse got to say the lines. It was sooo funny.”

Jesse decided to take matters into his own hands and kick Genji under the table. It wasn’t very effective.

“It was a Cinderella play and Jesse was playing Cinderella.”

Another kick.

“We didn’t have a dress, so a few kids just draped their sweaters over him, sorta like a cape.”

Another kick. Thinking about it, Hanzo probably kicked Genji enough so that he’s immune or something.

“So we have Jesse, wearing a shawl of random sweaters, walking around the front of the room with a fake girly voice as he pretends he’s running from the ball.”

Hanzo looked entertained, so it was moderately worth it.

“And he says, in his stupid fake voice, ‘Goodness me, the clock has struck. Alackaday, and fuck my luck’ and the whole class just loses it.”

Everyone but Genji, who was laughing hysterically, was silent. Jesse felt like his face was burning up and hoped that it was the fires of Hell swallowing him up. Hideko and Sojiro didn’t show any reaction just yet, but Hanzo seemed to be holding in a smile. 

Finally, Hideko broke the silence. “That is funny, I agree.”

It felt like the weight of the world was just lifted off Jesse’s shoulders.

 

The rest of the dinner went by fine. It was a lot smoother after Genji’s story, both Jesse and Hanzo’s family seeming a little more comfortable. 

After, he was sitting in Hanzo’s room, face down on his bed.

“I thought they were going to castrate me, holy shit.”

“I’d like to say that you’d be fine, but they probably would.” Hanzo laughed.

Jesse rolled over, pouting at Hanzo. “I feel betrayed, you getting humor out of my suffering.”

Hanzo lay down next to him, staring at him. “It’s funny and you know it, you big baby.”

Jesse had to smile. “Okay, yeah, it kinda is.”

Hanzo smiled at him before shifting over and pressing a soft kiss to Jesse’s lips. “Good. Now you see reason.” He pushed himself up onto his elbows, leaning over Jesse, his hair tickling the sides of his face. “Are you still upset, though? I can think of a way to make you feel better.”

Jesse’s hands wandered and eventually rested on Hanzo’s waist, pulling him on top of himself. “Yeah, sounds good.” he said with a stupid goofy smile.

“You’re a dork.” Hanzo laughed, leaning down to kiss him again.

There was a few moments of laughter filled kisses before Jesse spoke.

“I really love you, you know?”

Hanzo pulled back, a bright smile on his face. It wasn’t big, but there was happiness in his eyes. “I know. I love you too.”

That was all he needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you finally made it to the end!!! thanks sooooo much for reading this piece of shit. it's been months of planning and stress and work so thanks for putting up with me!!!!!!

**Author's Note:**

> i will link to the art once i get the link


End file.
